A Piece of Paper for Sara

As Sara, Dena and I drove home from ourg recent trip taking Becca to FC, we did some Bible reading as we went along. In the Five Day Bible Reading Plan we needed to read Ephesians 4, 5 and 6 so I opened the Bible and began reading. When I reached Ephesians 5:22 I read “wives submit to your husbands” and I could feel Sara’s interest and even uncertainty in those verses. A lot of women tighten up a little when they read Ephesians 5:22. What is God saying there? Are women doormats, doomed to be little more than servants to their husband who has been appointed by no less than God to be the grand king of the home? It seemed like a word or two of explanation might be in order and might help my daughter. There was a memo pad from the hotel handy so I grabbed it and began to draw and talk …

“What is submission?” I asked. “It is a military term,” I answered, :meaning to rank under, to yield to, to give way.” I wrote the word “Yield” in all capitals on the notepad. I continued, saying “Yielding and submission are not, of course, something just for women. Maybe women wouldn’t have such a hard time with submission if they had someone to model it for them. Men have to submit too. Men submit to the elders, to governing authority, and of course, we all submit to Christ.” I could tell that idea caught her ears. It always makes an impression on women when they realize they aren’t the only ones who have to submit. I wonder sometimes how submission became “women’s territory,” something men don’t seem interested in or know much about.

“What is the most important part of submission,” I asked. “The answer to that is ‘trust.’” The word “trust” was written under the word “Yield.” “We give way or yield to Christ,” I explained, “because we trust Him. We know that He would never use us or abuse us. He wants what is best for us. We trust Him completely so it is easy to follow and yield to Him.” We talked a few minutes about how the lack of trust is what is poisoning our political process today. Many don’t trust the government or politicians and so they don’t want to submit to them. They are uncertain about yielding because they are afraid and suspicious. Of course, when a congregation doesn’t trust its elders the same uncertainty will hamper the church’s work. Genuine submission can only come when there is trust.

“But what about the man - the husband - where is he in this process? Is he the dictator, getting all the perks and privileges while the wife slaves away?” I asked. “Of course not, and we know that from the verse 25: ‘Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.’” The point of the passage was clear and powerful. “When Christ came here, did He get all the perks, did people treat Jesus like royalty, attending to His every need?” I asked. “No. That isn’t what happened. He didn’t get by coming here, He gave! He sacrificed heaven for us. Ultimately, He gave up His life for us. Paul says Jesus models sacrificial love. This is how a hus- band is to love his wife.” Below the word “Yield” on the piece of paper I wrote the word “Leadership” and under it “sacrificial love.” We talked about how in our society the leader does get the perks and the privileges - often walking on the backs of the followers. But that isn’t what leader- ship means with Jesus. The Lord gave up every- thing for us. He put us ahead of Himself, our needs over His comfort and safety. “Can you see how Paul is calling for husbands to be like Christ, and to lead like Christ leads?” I asked. “What if a man gets offered a big promotion in another city that will mean more money, more power, more status for him - but there is no church in that city, or the schools would be lousy for his kids? He turns that promotion down because he is willing to sacrifice for his family. A single man might take the promotion (and try to start a church or overcome the other obstacles) but a husband leading in love won’t. He gives up what he might want, to do what is best for his family. He leads like Jesus leads, with sacrificial love.”

“Now, watch what happens” I said to Sara. “The wife is afraid to submit. Our world says she’d better fight for her rights! But she decides to try it God’s way and so she yields to her husband.” I drew a circular arrow from YIELD down to LEAD RSHIP . “What does he do then? He puts her first. e leads in love. He sacrifices for what is best for er. He doesn’t exploit her or abuse her.” I completed the circle with an arrow going from LEADER HIP ack up to YIELD . “What happens then to her? he sees that he isn’t going to exploit her or mis- se her. He is leading like Christ! That just builds her trust, so is able to yield more.” I drew the arrow from YIELD back to LEADERSHIP . “Of course, gaining and keeping her trust is what he wants the most so this just fuels his leadership and sacrificial love.” The arrow went back up to YIELD “That causes her to trust… which causes him to lead … which causes more trust … which causes better leading …” I kept re-drawing the arrows again and again, completing the cycle that is the marriage of Ephesians 5. “Can you see how God’s way is best, how wonderful it is when everyone knows their roles and does what God made us to do? What would break up a home like this? What woman would leave a man who loves her like Christ loved the church?” Sara and Dena and I all agreed God’s way is best, but I still wondered if any of that really made sense to Sara. Did this help her comprehend what God wants a woman to do in marriage? We rode in a silence for a few moments. Then Sara said quietly “Can I have that piece of paper?” I gladly handed over the little scrap of paper with its doodles of the key concepts of God’s plan for marriage. I hope it will remind her what kind of husband she needs to find, and what kind of wife she must be to him. More than anything, I hope it makes Ephesians 5 real and plain to her so she can fulfill it and enjoy the blessings of marriage as God intends!

Related

Abundant Life: September 2008

• 110 Percent! by Shane Carrington
• Vessels of Clay by Margaret Good