Afraid to Marry?
Dane Felicien
In America today the average age for marriage continues
to rise. More and more young people date continuously, or
as it referred to now “hang out.” It is fashionable for a couple
to live together first before, if ever, considering marriage, as
if to see if this relationship will work out. Young adults are in
a lot less hurry to settle down in marriage. Why is this, and
what does the Bible say about it? In seeking answers I
solicited the answers of a few married couples (married from
a year to over fifty years) to assist with the practical application
of what we shall discover from the scriptures.
The place to begin is the very first date: “For the Lord God
said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him
a helper comparable to him” (Gen 2:18). Adam was on the
very first date which resulted in a very long lasting marriage
relationship. True, Adam and Eve were the very first and only
couple, but the their actions shows how from the beginning
precedence was set for what God approved. God created
man’s domain in five days and saw that it was good. Then on
the sixth day, the Lord made every beast of the earth. Then
He made man and put man in the Garden of Eden to have
domain over all that He made. Then the Lord acknowledged
that it was not good for man to be alone, yet He brought Adam
every beast of the field, the air, every living creature for Adam
to name (Gen 2:19). Adam however was still without a helper
comparable to him (verse 20), so God created woman. Can
you imagine Adam’s elation upon seeing Eve the very first
time? I do believe that God knew that no beast could be
Adam’s ultimate companion, however, He wanted Adam to
discover for himself his need of woman.
From hence, we began dating. Dating is the time we
discover our need for another, and is ultimately focused on
marriage. The precedence of Gen. 2:18 lead back to our
initial questions on dating. If you are of marriage-able age
and are dating but not considering marriage, then why not?
The married couples I interviewed all agree that there is not
a set time lapse between dating and marriage, neither am I
advocating one. However, we are not naïve to the influence
of the world to portray God’s ways and Word as antiquated.
If God blesses marriage and pronounces it good then what
are you afraid of?
Are you afraid of commitment? It’s a consensus
among the couples that the commitment to marriage is a
reflection of our commitment to serving God. One of the
“liberal” attitudes encouraged by the world is hanging out no
strings attached. “It doesn’t have to get so serious.” Really?
In the world of casual encounters necessary evils evolve, the
temptation of casual sex, sex before marriage, cohabitating
to give commitment a try; all of which the repercussions has
more strings attached than the perceived, outdated, God
ordained dating. The sexual union is sanctified by God in
marriage (Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 5:19). Consider an entire
book of the Bible, The Song of Solomon, describes the
physical pleasures of married love. Remember God saw that
it was not good for man to be alone. Adam recognized this
blessing God provided and made good on his commitment,
an example we do well to mimic in our dating relationships.
Are you afraid of love? The first thing we should do is
remove the stain of the world’s definition of love as an
emotional feeling. The Christian ought to know love means
so much more than that. We know God is love (1 John 4:8)
and 1 Corinthians 13 documents what love is. As imitators of
Christ we should be able to substitute ourselves as the
pronoun in the Corinthian chapter of love. In so doing we are
not afraid to love, and be loved. Still, notice that the casual
“hanging out” preference to dating may lead to feelings of
love. These feelings “sneak up” on us, and before we realize
it we may be standing at the altar. Isn’t it better if your spouse
was one you dated with the intention of getting married?
Are your fears confounded by the portrayal of marriage?
Again a Christian ought to separate the often portrayed
view of married couples living to work, raising kids, and
balancing a chaotic lifestyle from the reality of a God ordained
marriage. Yes marriage like any other commitment requires
time and effort. When I asked the married couples what tests
their relationships the general responses were no different
from that experienced by a single person. As a matter of fact
there were more positives in the union that offered encouragement
towards commitment. Before consulting Dr. Phil I
would suggest an amiable chat with the married couples
within your local congregation to recognize God’s advice in
practice.
The Christian dating ought to contemplate marriage as
the consequence of dating – a joyful one! It is a step towards
maturity in life and your walk with the Lord. If you are dating
but finding no one to marry, consider the invaluable responses
of the couples interviewed. Do not lower your
standards, values, or your hopes. Work on developing more
relationships with other Christians. For example, you can
meet other Christians at gospel meetings in the area. Patience
is still an invaluable virtue. Don’t ever force a relationship
comforted that marriage does not have a timetable.
Pray! Pray! Pray! God answers the prayers of His children.
Consider putting God as a priority even in your conversations.
It will help you discover the similarities in value with the one
you are dating. Remember God himself saw that it was not
good that man should be alone. So “in all your ways
acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths (Proverbs
3:6).” Above all, don’t be afraid to enter into the God blessed
state of marriage!