The Nurture Assumption

Have you read The Nurture Assumption? This controversial new book by author Judith Rich Harris has caused quite a stir. In the book she argues that what kind of person your child turns out to be is determined entirely by only two factors: genetics and peers. You, as a parent or grandparent, have exactly zero influence in determining your child's personality and eventual outcome as an adult. Even if you are a lousy parent, that has no bearing on how a kid "turns out." Parents should, Ms. Harris, assures us, stop worrying and relax, because nothing they do, pro or con, will matter anyway.

I have not read The Nurture Assumption, and frankly don't plan to. I did extensive research on the book and read several excerpts, and from that believe that I can draw several helpful conclusions about Ms. Harris' work. Those conclusions are important, though they will never get the air play in the media that her book is receiving. Be that as it may, let me challenge parents to think biblically about The Nurture Assumption before they accept it as "gospel."

THE BOOK IS WRONG BECAUSE IT DISAGREES WITH THE BIBLE

It would be easy for us to begin this discussion by quoting reams of psychologists, academics, and child development experts who vehemently disagree with The Nurture Assumption. And there are many. I know of no one who does not admit the large part that genetics and peers have in shaping a child, but many people find Ms.

Harris' assertions about parenting nothing short of ridiculous. As one reviewer put it, she throws the parent out with the bath water. But the fundamental problem with The Nurture Assumption is not that the educated and well-schooled disagree with it. No, the problem is that God disagrees with it.

The Bible is crystal clear that parents are assigned the crucial responsibility of instructing and nurturing children in such a way that they will grow to be responsible, God-fearing servants of the Lord. In Deuteronomy 6 Moses tells all Israel "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (6:6-7). Further, children were accountable for receiving and obeying this teaching. If they did not "turn out" as they should parents could bring them to the gates of the city, state their case, and see the child executed for rebellion (Deut. 21:20-21). Evidently God thinks parents can and do have influence over their children! Judges 2:10-11 identifies the root cause of evil in the land as being ignorance of God: "Another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel. Then the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served the Baals." The text does not say that children of Israel had bad genes or bad peers, although both may have been a factor. The Bible says they didn't know the Lord, and that occurred simply because they were not taught about the Lord. Those parents were to blame, Ms. Harris notwithstanding.

The record of Proverbs is equally clear. While understanding that Proverbs presents general truths it is obvious that Solomon believes that parents can have a great affect on children. Much of the book is couched in terms of "Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding" (4:1). Why should children hear their father if it makes no difference what he says? Proverbs 22:15 offers this nugget: "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him" Proverbs 23:13-14 is even more candid: "Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell." Discipline does make a difference! Solomon seems to almost providentially anticipate attitudes like Ms. Harris seeks to propagate: "The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother" (Prov. 29:15). Many more proverbs could be examined, but the point is clear: parents can and must "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).

The New Testament joins this flood of biblical teaching in Ephesians. Paul states succinctly "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). After examining the data from God's word we must ask: If, as The Nurture Assumption teaches, none of this has any outcome or effect on a child, why does God command it? Is God just trying to keep parents busy doing something that is actually vain and futile? Further, as we will be judged based on our adherence to God's commands, why does God judge parents on teaching and training when that is meaningless, and cannot be done by a parent? The Nurture Assumption violates plain and clear instruction from God's word. As such it must be rejected as human wisdom that conflicts and contradicts the wisdom of the One who made both parents and children.

I suspect that none of what has just been presented here surprises Abundant Life readers. However, the real question now is will we be people of faith who act on God's word? I know too many Christians who have rejected God's teaching on discipline (particularly spanking). With a very pious "We'd never spank our little brat, er, angel" they demonstrate that they have decided to agree with today's child rearing experts instead of with the Lord. How long till some parent piously intones "We now realize we have no effect on Little Johnny, so we are letting him become his own person as he chooses"? God forbid!

THE NURTURE ASSUMPTION WILL SELL BECAUSE PEOPLE WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKE THE BLAME

Yet I expect that The Nurture Assumption will sell, and sell well, because it places the blame for bad children on someone and something besides bad parenting. It is certainly true that genetics and peer groups have a great effect on our children (note 1 Cor. 15:33). But it is outrageous for parents who have failed to discipline consistently and in love to put all the blame on outward circumstances and other people. If a child is choosing bad friends parents need to be asking "Why?" What is it that these kids do for my child that I'm not doing, or that is not being done at home? Why does my child feel the need to rebel against me in this way? Why does my child find acceptance with evil friends could it be because he or she is not getting the acceptance he or she needs at home?

These are hard questions that make parents very uneasy. Again, to be clear, the blame does not always lie with parents. Children grow up to be free moral agents, and they can and do make their own decisions, sometimes in spite of all we taught them. But these questions still need to be asked, and they need to be answered honestly and truthfully. Remember, God knows the answers!

But many parents who are too busy for their children, who have sought the wealth and money that double incomes provide and thus had to let others rear their children, who have failed to take seriously the Bible's admonitions to discipline will take heart in Ms. Harris' wretched book. In an interview with the Dallas Morning News she says "I'm telling them: Relax, it's not your fault." Many are ready to hear this message. Eileen Shiff, a child development education teacher at Paradise Valley Community College in Phoenix said in an interview in USA Today that "The book is going to sell big time because it's absolution for parents who are having trouble with their kids. It's 'don't blame me, blame their friends.'"

THE NURTURE ASSUMPTION ILLUSTRATES AMERICA'S CRAVING FOR "EXPERTS"

Judith Rich Harris is just another in a long line of so-called experts who stand on a media created stage for their fifteen minutes of fame, hitting the talk show circuit and giving interviews to anyone who will listen so they can hawk their books. Why doesn't anyone check to see if these "experts" know what they are talking about?

Ms. Harris has no academic credentials whatsoever. She has written a lot of books, but what does that prove? She does not have a Ph.D. or any academic affiliation of any kind. She was dismissed from Harvard's doctoral program in the 1960's without receiving a doctorate. In other words, her books are solely her opinion, and by no means to be credited as an expert opinion, or even necessarily a well informed opinion. Many other experts (and these with real college degrees and jobs in the field of child development research!) have noted that Ms. Harris was very selective in the research she did to arrive at her conclusions. Purdue University psychologist Theodore Wachs says "She reached the conclusion she reached by ignoring a tremendous amount of evidence." The very weekend The Nurture Assumption was released to such a stir found the American Sociological Association reporting that children whose dads took an active parenting role had fewer behaviourial problems. Where was this research in Ms. Harris book? There seems to be an implicit assumption in our country that anyone who can get a book printed must be taken seriously, or actually has something valuable to say or contribute. The Nurture Assumption demonstrates amply that such an assumption must be rethought. "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions" (Proverbs 18:2).

Perhaps what really ought to be rethought is our craving for experts in everything. Americans don't want to make a move without seeing what the experts say. We have lost common sense and basic confidence to act in accordance with scripture. Instead we weigh everything by what Abby and Ann say in the morning newspaper, what Oprah told us on tv yesterday, and what the latest expert is spouting about in his or her book on the radio today. Yet God has expected parents to raise productive, responsible children for centuries all without Dr. Spock, Judith Harris or any other expert! Can you believe it? Men and women d their kids, followed the scriptures to the best of their ability, and actually raised children without benefit of the latest psychological research or best-seller. Hard for us to imagine, isn't it? Perhaps we should realize that God did not entrust your children to any psychologist, research study or university. He gave them to you, mom and dad, because you are best suited to love, train and discipline that child to become a Christian and servant of the Lord.

We don't need those who are telling us God is wrong. We don't need more experts. What is in short supply is the faith, courage, and common sense (look in Proverbs!) to lay aside foolishness like The Nurture Assumption and go back to the work we can and must do. May the Lord bless you as your raise your children to be His.