Selfless or Selfish

We have a saying around our house. Whenever any of us are thinking too highly of ourselves, someone else in the family will respond with, ""This is not about you."" It is not meant to be mean or rude, but a less than subtle reminder to think of others.

In a recent Time magazine article on the growing number of women who are choosing to remain single, one woman was asked to describe her decision to break off her seven year dating relationship rather than marry. ""I totally adored him,"" she said. ""But I wasn't happy. I didn't think I could make him happy and retain my spirit, what makes me shine.""

In the simplest terms, that is selfishness, and it is characteristic of a societal trend. Americans, as a whole, look at almost everything from a perspective of ""What's in it for me?"" It is what drives the decisions of most people.

The most disturbing aspect of this trend is that it has found its way into the American approach to religion and spirituality as well, as more and more people expect to be catered to by their religion. It is selfishness which lies at the heart of ""spirituality"" which seeks fulfillment in man's own ""inner light."" This sort of touchy-feely religion is designed to make people feel good about themselves, thus satisfying an urge to please self, and it is not just Eastern Mysticism, but a growing number of ""Christian"" denominations which have adopted a view which says essentially, ""God must be pleased if I am so happy.""

This embracing of selfishness is not found in scripture. One of the key character traits to which Christians are called is selflessness. ""Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others"" (Phil. 2:3-4). We cannot be the disciples of Jesus (who, after all, gave up heaven for our benefit), if we are not willing to give up our own desires to reach out to others who are lost. Christian husbands and wives are called to make this kind of sacrifice in married life as well (Eph. 5:22-33).

A classic text on the practical life of a Christian, Romans 12 contains many admonitions which serve to subjugate our own selfishness. Instead of pleasing self, brotherly love and compassion is stressed. In this passage, we find that Christianity, if it is to be true, impacts our desire for honor (""give preference to one another,"" v. 10), our wallet (""contributing to the needs of the saints,"" v. 13), our spare time (""practicing hospitality,"" v. 13), our social standing (""associate with the lowly,"" v. 16), and our wounded pride (""never pay back evil for evil to anyone,"" v. 17). It is a treatise on sacrificing what we desire for what others truly need. It is important to note that these practical instructions are bracketed by bookend warnings about evil (vv. 9 and 21). It is when we let selfishness reign in our lives that we are tempted and overcome by evil. Try to imagine a sin which is not predicated on a desire to please, reward or avenge self.

In truth, all sin is selfishness, because it is a response to God's word which says, ""I would rather do what I want to do."" Every rebellion against God is an attempt to elevate self, and is doomed to failure, because "". . . a man's way is not in himself; nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps"" (Jer. 10:23). When man decides his ways are better than God's, he has let selfishness blind him to the truth, for it is only in following God that man finds true happiness and the ultimate happiness of eternal life.

Christians are called to ""deny self"" (Matt. 16:24), and service, to God, our brethren and the lost, is our principal duty in overcoming selfishness. We need to remember it is ""not about us.""