Christians And The Sexual Relationship

Admit it that is the catchiest title you have seen in a while, isn't it? We live in a world that is seemingly captive to the sexual impulse. In such a time as this it is vital that Christian adults understand clearly the teaching of scripture regrading this sacred relationship. To hide our heads in the sand and hope the perversions and lust of our time will simply go away is hopelessly naive. Let's turn to the scriptures to see what God has to say about the physical side of the marriage relationship.

First, we quickly realize that God has a lot to say about this. The Bible speaks to the sexual relationship frankly, forthrightly and regularly. Try reading Proverbs. It fairly brims with information about what is and is not good in this relationship (5:18; 6:26; 7:10ff). The Song of Solomon is, I believe, a beautiful love song celebrating the joys of married love and the blessing of the sexual relationship. The New Testament is no different. Jesus does not hesitate to discuss the proper place for sex (see Matthew 19:9). Paul discusses it just as forthrightly (1 Cor. 7:1ff). The Hebrew writer tells us "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (13:4).

This is so because there is nothing inherently sinful or wrong with the sexual relationship in marriage. Victorian ideas that this relationship is somehow dirty or wicked have no place in scripture. All that God made in the beginning was pronounced "good," and that includes Adam, Eve, and the "one flesh" relationship of Genesis 2:24. Note further that the discussion of that relationship in Genesis 2:24 precedes the Fall of Genesis 3. Therefore, there is no way one can decide that sex is outside of God's original plan for mankind, or a result in some way of Adam and Eve's sin. We might add as well here that the Catholic idea that it is alright to be married but better to remain unmarried is based on a misunderstanding of Paul's admonitions in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul's urging that the Corinthians consider remaining unmarried must be qualified by verse 26: "I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress." The present threat of persecution made marriage unwise at that time for those people. Never did Paul intend for marriage to be slighted in any way, as the first several verses of 1 Corinthians 7 makes clear.

The Bible helps us understand the beauty, wonder and desirability of the sexual relationship in the place that God ordained it: marriage. Instead of reading Dear Abby and watching Oprah let us be about the business of seeing what God says about this unique blessing in marriage!

Second, we see that the world needs to hear God's teaching on this relationship. Unfortunately, the Bible is not the only voice that is heard on this issue. Our society also has a lot to say about the sexual relationship, and nearly all of it is diametrically opposed to God's word. From movies, television, magazines, and billboards wrong messages about sex are constantly being sent to Christians and non-Christians alike. We live in a world polluted with badly perverted notions of what the sexual relationship should be. From homosexuality to living together to adultery our society partakes of all of it, doesn't it? I don't believe an endless run of statistics about unwed pregnancies, AIDS, or teen sexual activity is necessary here to prove this point. But can't we see what this means? Since the Bible does not hesitate to speak clearly on this matter, and since society is so mixed up about this, it means that we must teach biblical truths about the sexual relationship more than ever. Yes, our children need this teaching, but it ought to be obvious that our adults need it too! Our embarrassment about this topic must not prevent us from teaching, in the proper way and in the proper environment, what God says about these matters. We can and must find ways to do so without being rude, crude, or embarrassing. Think about it: if God's people are silent who will tell people God's truth about the sexual relationship? To fail here is to give the devil free reign to say whatever he wishes without his lies being blunted by truth.

Third, in our day and time it is easy to over-emphasize the sexual relationship. While the Bible talks unhesitatingly of this relationship one never gets the impression that this is to be our focus in our life. Yet many today seem to think the sole reason for human existence is to become sexually involved. Much of what is seen on television and movies echoes this very theme: a life without constant, endless sexual activity is a life that is not worth living. In some ways it seems that this idea is being imported into marriage. The world seems to think the only reason men and women marry is to have sex. That is for many, apparently, the sum total of the marriage relationship and its purpose.

I have been particularly aware of this problem in all the recent news about medicines that are being brought out to help men and women cope with physical dysfunction in the marriage relationship. To hear some reports, one would imagine that a marriage without a sizzling sexual relationship is absolutely pointless and meaningless. Anything that interferes with a couple's ability to enjoy the physical aspects of the marriage relationship is treated as a "must fix immediately" item.

But the Bible never treats the sexual relationship in these terms. Again, God created the sexual relationship and blessed marriage with it (Gen. 2:24). It is a wonderful and powerful blessing in that marriage, designed to bring a man and his wife together in a way that nothing else can. The sexual relationship in marriage is celebrated and praised throughout the Bible. But it is never presented as the end-all-be-all of life itself. It is not the main purpose of man's creation (see Ecclesiastes 12:13), nor is it the main purpose of the marriage relationship. Marriage was created for companionship: "And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him" (Genesis 2:18). God created Eve to be a partner and companion to Adam. The physical relationship of sex would certainly be part of that, but that was not all she was made for or all that marriage was made for.

In Jesus' teaching on marriage this truth rings clear. Jesus tells us that defiling the sexual relationship is proper grounds for terminating a marriage (Matthew 19:9). But nothing is said about divorcing a partner who, for example, has been paralyzed in an accident or is sick and thus cannot enjoy all the blessings of marriage. Such mates can still be wonderful companions in marriage, and such marriages can continue and thrive even without the physical aspects of marriage. Our world shrieks "Impossible!" but Jesus and the scriptures show us that marriage is about much more than just sex.

In fact, when the sexual relationship is allowed to overtake every other function and purpose for marriage, it rapidly loses its meaning and beauty. Many surveys have found that men and women alike do not wish to be "used" for sexual purposes by marriage partners who do not support and nourish them emotionally and mentally outside the marriage bedroom. Paul makes it clear that each has an obligation to his or her spouse (1 Cor. 7:2-3) but that obligation is founded in and begins with true love and care for each other (Ephesians 5:22, 25ff). Only in that atmosphere can the sexual relationship be what God intended for it to be. Let us be careful that we are not joining with the world in putting too much emphasis on the sexual side of marriage. There is much more to marriage than just being physically united as one flesh.

It's refreshing to think on the sexual relationship from a scriptural viewpoint. So much of what we see and hear on this subject is distorted and tainted by sin. Let us be unafraid to discover all the blessings that God has for us in marriage, including the blessing of the "one flesh"" relationship.