They Are Watching You

In our Savior's many debates with the scribes and Pharisees, it is interesting that He saved His most scathing rebukes for their hypocrisy. His rebukes of Matthew 23 are so devastating in fact, that our most prominent image of the Pharisees is as hypocrites. In addition, His views toward hypocrisy flavor our own, so much so that even those who profess no loyalty toward Christ cannot stomach a hypocrite.

What does that have to do with parenting? Only everything. If we expect our children to grow up and respect God's word, to follow the teachings we believe will lead them to heaven, we cannot be guilty of hypocrisy. For all of our words, be they admonitions, encouragements, instructions or reprimands, nothing is so important as the lives they see us live.

Obviously, we cannot teach our children to avoid dancing, drinking, drugs and sexual immorality while participating in the same, but avoiding this most conspicuous form of hypocrisy is only the beginning. Some may be so bold as to say, in effect, "Do as I say, not as I do," but even the most insensitive can see the hypocrisy in that.

The form of hypocrisy which is most defeating of our purpose in raising our children to be servants of God is the kind which also troubled the Pharisees. When we neglect to fulfill the law of God because, in some way, it doesn't suit us, our children are watching.

For instance, if I make a stand (as I have) that we are not going to miss worship services in order to play baseball, that teaches my children an important lesson about choosing God first (Matt. 6:33). If however, something comes along which is important to me (work, recreation or any number of things) and that causes me to miss worship services, I have taught my children an even more indelible lesson about my own character (Jas. 4:8, double-mindedness).

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven" (Matt. 5:16). Surely, the Christian seeking to heed this admonition would do well to begin at home. No one sees more of us than our families, and no one carefully watches us more than our children. How important then, to make certain we are living the kind of life we profess to live when we wear the name Christian.

Another area where parents must keep watch in order to avoid hypocrisy is in our attitude toward our own sins. It is easy to make a big show against sin when someone else is doing the sinning, even if it is our children. It is quite another matter to see to it that our children know that we mourn our sins, and that, while not perfect, we are willing to let them see us plead for forgiveness from our Lord and Savior.

If we are unwilling to do this, we run the risk of appearing, to our children, as those "who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!" (Matt. 23:24). "Sure, my sins are a big deal, but Mom and Dad rarely, if ever ask God for forgiveness."

We also cannot make distinctions between sins, allowing our children to think that God "winks" at some sins, while condemning others to the point of hellfire. Nothing is more devastating to a child's understanding of sin than to be taught something is a firm, hard and fast rule (i.e. Do not lie), and then to see their parents explain away the very same (i.e. "That's only a little white lie" or "I wasn't lying, I was just stretching the truth a little bit"). First, wherever we might get such a concept, it is not from the Bible (for the purpose of our example, see Rev. 21:8 and the term "all liars"). In addition, even if it was Biblical, who decides what sin brings condemnation and what sin does not?

The fact is, all sin, if unrepented of, will condemn the soul to hell (1 Cor. 6:9-10; Gal. 5:19-21). If we expect our children to respect the limitations of God's word, we must do so as well.

Paul told the evangelist Timothy to "in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe" (1 Tim. 4:12), and Paul understood that such was well within the abilities of Timothy, "For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well" (2 Tim. 1:5). Timothy was what he was, in part, because his mother and grandmother had served him well as examples of what it means to be a Christian. Our own children will become good servants of God, in part, because we showed them what it meant to be one. Because we lived what we also taught them.

No one, not even the worldliest of sinners, likes a hypocrite. Why then, would we ever want to put such a face on Christianity for our children to see. We can "take them to church" and tell them how important it is that they are baptized, but if we do not live the life of a child of God, what good will it accomplish?

We will have become as the Pharisees Jesus condemned so many years ago, "Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others" (Matt. 23:23).

The woe will be ours if are that kind of examples to our children. Let us set our minds to let our light shine before men, and let us begin that shining at home with our children. They learn more from watching us than they do from our words.